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Letter to my Banker

Published April 16, 2013 - 1 Comment

Apparently there’s some crazy banking regulation that any money you use for your mortgage down payment must be yours for a minimum of 90 days.  I’m sure that there’s a good reason for that… but I’ll be damned if I can figure it out.  So even though I’ve worked a bunch of overtime lately, and have the money for my down payment, I can’t technically use that money because it hasn’t been in my bank account for 90 days.

Thankfully there’s a “workaround” which involves getting a signed gift letter from a member of your immediate family stating they are giving you money which you do not have to pay back.   Fair enough.  I promised my banker that I would get my letter signed, and fax it to her today so she could go ahead and get my mortgage approved.

As I was walking to work this morning, I thought about how I would phrase my email to her regarding this.  I wanted to let her know that I had faxed it.

This is what I came up with.


Good morning Elizabeth,
GREAT NEWS!!  I checked my email this morning, and it turns out that there’s an exiled African prince with a sizable sum of money hidden in an offshore account somewhere, who wants to return home, but can’t bring the money directly with him.  He’s looking for a third party to transfer the money to, and he’d like that to be me!  I’m a little shocked, but honoured at the same time that he would entrust such a huge responsibility to me, considering we’ve never spoken before… but that’s ok.  I think I’m up to it.  And if I hold onto this fortune until he’s ready to return to his forsaken kingdom, he is going to give me 25% for my troubles!  How unbelievable is that?!?
I had to provide him with some of my banking information to help facilitate the transfer, and pay for some miscellaneous fees upfront, but don’t worry…  I’ll be recouping those when everything is all settled.
I offered him your name and number, so I expect that you will be receiving a call from Prince Walla Walla Bing Bang soon. Please extend your utmost courtesies to him, as my financial well-being hangs in the balance.
Oh, and unfortunately this means that I will no longer require that mortgage… but hey, it’s not every day that you receive an offer like this?  Or is it?
Take care!
PS:  Check your fax machine  🙂