Wasted the entire day away today. I said that I wasn’t going to do that and then I did exactly what I said I wouldn’t. And now its 2am and my mind is running full tilt.
It’s funny (not funny ha ha) how easy it can be to take people for granted in your life. A good friend of mine told me last night that she’s seeing someone now. I guess that explains why I haven’t heard boo from her in a week. That might not seem like a long time, but it is for us. When you’re used to speaking to someone every day there is a very noticeable silence when they are gone. And she IS gone. We both knew that it would happen someday. While I could not find a way to allow my feelings to rise to the level of hers, I still enjoyed the time we spent together. Now I feel alone again. I’m aware that it’s my own fault, but that only dulls things slightly. She deserves to be happy, and she was honest with me a long time ago… She would not wait forever… My loss is another’s gain.
I’m waiting for the inevitable questions from the kids. That’s never an easy one.
Speaking of the children, later today I sit down with a mediator and my ex to try to get a written agreement in place regarding child support, access, and custody. I’m not anticipating any real trouble but you never know with these things. It will be nice to get a little more movement in the divorce proceedings. This must be one of the longest separations going. I blame that on the fact that we’re still friendly. Were we fighting, I imagine we would have gone to lawyers years ago instead of trying to figure it out ourselves.
I suppose I should try to fall asleep. I’m almost afraid to. The dreams have not been kind of late.