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All I Want For Christmas Is… A New Office Chair

Published December 11, 2010 - 3 Comments

A Massaging Office Chair... Fit For an Ass

Dear Santa,

I sit on my ass. A lot. But I’m sure you know that already.  I’m not as young as I used to be.  This ass has seen many a crappy chair, and I think that it’s time for a little pampering.  Is that too much to ask?  As I write this to you, I am currently sitting on a crappy old kitchen chair, barely a step up from an rotten tree stump.  You see the problem, don’t you?  How else am I supposed to be able to fulfill my potential and go for my dreams if I’m constantly wiggling around try to force the blood to flow from one cheek to the other?  It’s just not going to happen.

OK, so maybe the massaging office chair is a little much, but I had to try, right?  Perhaps a little compromise is in order? How about a simple (yet stylin’) office chair with plush cushion for  my ample gluteus maximus?  Something fit for a royal ass.  Sans massaging, vibrating, or reclining.  Think of it as an investment in my future.  File it under the safety budget.  Whatever it takes.  I’m willing to turn a blind eye.

Thanks Santa… I owe you one!

PS: I’ll try harder next year.  I promise!