Today I want to talk about a different kind of moving on… physically moving.

I`ve been thinking a lot lately about how much longer I`m going to be staying at my current residence. Yes, it`s quiet here. I love being outside the city. I have a great view. I love sitting outside at night and enjoying the solitude. There`s plenty of room for the kids to play when they come to visit. There are a number of things that I really enjoy about being here… and a few that I could live without. The daily commute is a bitch sometimes, especially in the winter. It`s even longer if I want to go see my kids. The heating bills in the winter are ridiculous, yet I still freeze. But mainly it`s the feeling that this truly is not my place to settle into.

When I was first asked if I would be interested in taking care of this house, I jumped at the chance to have a little space to myself. It was a win-win for everyone. Well, it`s been 2 years now, and things have changed somewhat. It`s time to consider what is best for me, moving forward.

My roommate must be thinking the same thing. He recently applied for a mortgage and contacted a realtor. I would be surprised if he was still here at Christmas. Maybe he will offer me a  place to stay with him. Maybe not. I have more options today than I had 2 years ago, so I`m not overly worried. A small 2 bedroom apartment isn`t really looking so bad right about now. Then main goal is still that cabin on the water, but I`m willing to make sacrifices now.

For now I`ll take it day by day and see what happens, but I`ve stopped purchasing anything “house related” until I figure out what is going on.

My experiment to release a series of posts today, every hour for 12 hours, went largely unnoticed by everyone, except the one person who hates my music video posts the most.  Turns out that September 1 is one of the lowest traffic days that this blog has seen in a long time.  Who knew?  I think that I have lost a couple of readers due to “back to work” time, and at least one regular reader has steered clear of WaS recently.  So the numbers are definitely down… but that is ok… gives me something to work toward.

And a special shout out to Amanda for her comment this afternoon!  :-)

When I originally came up with the idea of doing a day of music videos, the original plan was to find 12.  No more.  Most people probably won’t look at more than one or two; I realize that. They were actually all written prior to the blog outage of earlier in the week, and I wasn’t even sure if the blog would be back online before their scheduled time passed by. Thankfully it came back prior to Sept 1.

I could have just left them the way they were intended, but I decided to write a 13th post.  Why?

Things have changed somewhat since the original 12 were written. I don’t normally write specifically about relationships in my life, but this will be an exception. Most times I simply hint at things.  The people who are in the know… well.. they know.  The rest are left scratching their heads, wondering what the hell I’m talking about.  I do hope that certain people read this, but I have deliberately removed the ability to comment on this post… not that I expect anyone would. But you just never know.

I was not familiar with this song until I saw it on a SYTYCD routine. It’s a little different than normal. I certainly was not prepared for the video when I watched it the first time. But that’s fine… the song is still relevant…

I’ve begun to seriously question lately whether I’m emotionally “broken”. In the last year I’ve squandered two perfectly good relationships because I’ve been unable to leap an emotional hurdle.  In both instances the women offered me everything that I could possibly ask for… friendship, companionship, understanding, even love…  And for my part… I continued to hold back.  I was unable or unwilling to meet them half way.  And even though I never intended to hurt them, I know that is what happened.  When you give your heart to someone completely, and do not receive the same in return… it hurts.  I understand that all too well.

I’ve had friends tell me that I’m simply not ready to date.  That, until I can completely resolve old feelings, I will only make things worse… not only for myself, but for the other people as well.  So I’m re-examining some things in my life.  The concept of “The One” is particularly troublesome for me.  Because, if my self-serving definition is correct, I’m essentially useless to anyone else until I deal with that.  And not just say that I’m dealing with it.. but really deal with it.  It’s been pointed out to me by more than one person that the power is mine to choose whether or not to let past relationships eat at me… or to shelf them and move on.  And saying that you’re moving on, and actually moving on are two different things.

So if I’m not moving on, why is that?  Am I biding my time, hoping for a better outcome?  Am I intentionally torturing myself for some past wrong-doing?  I’ve been told that I’m self-destructive.  I find it difficult to argue that point.  I don’t really have the answer to these questions.  Or I’m afraid to admit the answers to myself.

Why take everything you see?
You’ll have nothing left to squander
If you keep pushing me away
You’ll have no one left to love

Why take everything you see?
You’ll have nothing left to squander
If you keep pushing me away
You’ll have no one left to, no one left to love

I think that it’s time for some serious soul-searching.  I’ve pushed away two fantastic women, and I’m not proud of that. A third won’t talk to me.  And that doesn’t even include my failed marriage!  I’ve got to take some time and figure some things out, because I simply can not continue to operate like this.  It’s ripping me apart, and unfortunately it affects other people as well.

The Steve 2.0 plan was supposed to set everything on the right path, but a chance encounter changed my course entirely.

If you keep pushing me away
You’ll have no one left to love

I wanted a strong song to end this experiment with.  I’m not convinced that this is the best choice because it stirs up some old emotions, but hey… this blog is all about me… the good, the bad, and everything in between…

Someone once told me that she remembered a song that reminded her of our situation…  she couldn’t remember the name of it, or who sung it… but with the couple of lyrics that she could remember, I knew instantly what it was that she was thinking of…

Fast forward to today…   and she gave up…

This is a great song, but a horrible video. Even as I’m typing this blog post, I’m listening to the song, but the video is hidden behind another window.  It reminds me of how cheesy music videos once were.  Yuck.  Where’s Ed the Sock when we need him?

And so ends the experiment…

I always like seeing those “behind the scenes” videos… it’s not just about the glitz and glamour.  This is a great song.  A great video.  A great story.  I don’t know if these guys will ever put out anything else that I like, but this song works for me.

It’s time to lighten things up a little!  I love when I go searching for an old song from an obscure artist with… perhaps a one-hit wonder… and it’s on their “best of” compilation.  Bowling for Soup has a Best of?  Hmm.. ok..

I get such a kick out of this video, and making fun of the old 80s videos  :-)

Oh boy… I considered whether I was going to put this song in here or not… I know that I’ve mentioned it before, but I don’t think that I’ve actually included the video.  If I filed the posts better, I’d be able to find all the music under the music category, or under the music video tab.  Working on it.

Still love this song…

I love pretty much everything that Bon Jovi has ever put out, so when I was thinking of videos to post here, it was almost impossible to narrow down that list to include only one Bon Jovi song.  Any time that I hear any of their stuff now, I’m instantly transported back to last summer’s outdoor concert at Magnetic Hill in Moncton!  You couldn’t ask for a better day, more perfect weather, or a more fantastic performance!

I decided on this one for a few reasons.  It’s one of my favourite ballads of theirs (and they have many to choose from) and I’ve been listening to it quite often over the last year or so.  But the other thing… I remember the first time that I watched the video thinking “They chose an age appropriate woman for Jon’s love interest!”  Most women in videos nowadays are 22 year old models.  Not complaining… but it’s nice to see someone a little more “mature”… in this one… still a gorgeous woman!  Of course, it’s difficult for a 22 year old to pull off the whole “distant memories” message of the song…

Although not necessarily one of my favourite Phil Collins/Genesis songs, this is one of their better videos!  I’m including it because it’s been a long time since most people have seen it, and I think that it’s well worth a refresher.  (Or maybe even a first viewing, if you’re unlucky enough not to be up on your Genesis videography!)

The puppets were done by a British company called Spitting Image, which had a TV show across the pond back in the late 80s and early 90s.  I don’t think that I’ve ever seen any of their work, although YouTube seems to have a whole series of “best of” there.

It’s fun to watch and pick out some familiar faces in there…

I don’t think that I’ve ever seen a video with as much blatant product placement as Telephone!  It’s so obvious that it almost seems to be making a statement about products in other videos!  Maybe it is?  Who the hell knows what goes on in Lady Gaga’s head?  But when there’s everything from Wonder Bread to the online dating site Plenty of Fish prominently displayed… it’s hard to imagine Gaga requiring sponsorship for one of her videos.  It’s almost like a game… see how many brand names you recognize in this 9:31 long video!

I deliberately chose the explicit version of the video, because it just loses something with the censor bleeps.  But as much as I like this video, it doesn’t match the song at all.  Seems way too random to me.  Oh well.. what do I know?

Oh… and Jay Z is one hell of a lucky guy…